26

It's been a while since I did one of these, and I thought I'd better give it another shot. The idea for this particular one came when I bought peppercorns and realised I have no idea how to put them into the pepper grinder, and then connected with someone else's '21 things I learned while I was 21' blog (one of those blogs where someone comes across as high-achieving and motivated). This is not one of those, but perhaps it will make you feel better about yourself.

I consider myself fairly together as a person, but here are 26 things that I still can't do, aged 26:

1. Re-fill a pepper grinder (NB I know how to do this now because my housemate showed me - but how do you go 26 years without ever having to fill a pepper grinder?)
2. Change the oil in a car. This is a rich seam, actually, as I also can't change the water for the wipers or change the tyres or essentially do anything except put petrol in the tank, but it would be cheating to list absolutely everything I can't do with a car, except:
3. Reverse parallel park - I used to be able to but in the 7 years since I took my driving test, I have forgotten how.
4. Dive
5. Ski
6. Change the height of my bike seat (but please let me make this absolutely clear - my bike seat is currently the correct height and does not need to be changed)
7. Put darts in a dress that's too big for me
8. Tell the difference between section sewn and perfect bound books
9. Make a bed with hospital corners
10. Mow a lawn
11. Essentially, use any kind of power tool at all - is it because my mother once had an accident with a chainsaw? Or is it lack of interest? I guess we'll never know.
12. Breathe from, or with, my diaphragm when singing. Probably. How do you know if you're doing it? Is it from, or with?
13. Tell the difference between camembert and brie (I suspect there is none)
14. Use a coffee machine
15. Use a corkscrew (in all fairness I have used corkscrews several times throughout my life but I have to re-learn every time, screw caps meaning that I rarely get the practice)
16. Play 500
17. Translate pounds and ounces into kilograms and grams - this shouldn't be a problem but this stupid country is still using the old system
18. Cook fish
19.  Understand the appeal of Wes Anderson
20. Play 'Dream a little dream of me' on the ukulele - and not for want of trying
21. Play tennis - absolutely for want of trying
22. Anything to do with finance - because it's essentially imaginary numbers, and I don't trust them
23. Anything with a spreadsheet beyond basic data entry
24. Spell 'commitment' or 'amendment' without serious consideration, potentially dictionary involvement (I had to look them up just then) (I looked them up again when I read through a second time)
25. Understand preferential voting - I completely believe that it's the best system, and I have no idea how it works
26. Put a huntsman spider under a jar, slide a piece of cardboard under the huntsman spider and release the huntsman spider into the wild. I tend to approach huntsman spiders with large boots and end their lives, because the idea that the huntsman spider might continue to live in and around my garden is unbearable and the idea of sliding a piece of cardboard under the huntsman spider so that it is the only thing between me and the huntsman spider is also unbearable. I know they're not poisonous but one should always take into account the fact that they are a) terrifying and b) named 'huntsman'.

I should add a number 27 to this list - because I also can't figure out a good way to end this post. So I'll just end it here, which is pretty much in keeping with the tone of the whole thing.