Culture Clash

Let's be completely honest: there isn't one. A culture clash, that is. But for some reason, people seem to keep expecting that I'll be astonished and confronted by the huge change in culture between Australia and England. Here's a hint as to why England might not be such a change of pace: the Australian language, legal system, head of state and basic form of government are all inherited from England. Also I'm an Anglophile so I suppose I'm a special case. This, however, seems to surprise people - I had someone who had just returned from living in central Asia for 15 years actually say to me, "But in some ways, it must be more of a culture clash coming from somewhere like Australia."

It's not.

However, here are some things that are different, confusing or amusing:

- "All right?" This universal greeting stumped me for weeks. Correct me if I'm wrong, Australians - but if someone said that to you, would you not interpret it as "Are you all right? I have reason to suspect that you're not, and would like to enquire further." In England, it means "Hello" and the only correct answer is "All right?" I have moved to a new level with this - the other day, I greeted someone with, "All right?" and he said "Yeah, all right, you all right?" But I had NEVER GOT THIS FAR with that particular conversation so I then became confused and couldn't finish the conversation with credit. Also when I say "All right?" it comes out either fake cockney or fake Australian. There's no good option there.
- Public school: It means a school that is publicly run. End of debate. I will not even present the alternative argument, which is rubbish.
- White-out: When asking for this in the office, blank looks will be your only response. Instead, ask for tippex.
- Sticky tape: This is referred to as 'sellotape'. As a fellow Aussie and I discussed today, this makes the Harry Potter invention 'spellotape' turn from a makey-uppy word into a pun.
- Parallel parking: Why would you EVER parallel park against the flow of traffic? It is stupid and wrong. However, when reading a British-written article about Australians and how we are over-legislated, the writer referred in particular to our quaint law that you must parallel park in the direction of traffic. But WHY would you ever do anything else? Absurd. It leads to confusion when cycling and general untidiness on the side of the road.
- Talking about the weather: All the time. I don't mind this. Everyone can talk about the weather. It truly is the one thing we all have in common (if you're talking to a person standing next to you). However, the English seem to be utterly fascinated by the weather and will talk about it in detail, and at length. A Cambridge person has tried to tell me that this is because England has particularly changeable weather. I would assert that English weather is no more changeable than Australian - however I didn't assert it out loud because it would probably amount to an insult.
- Pennies: I would suggest that these are not necessary. But to lose the 1-p and 2-p would also mean losing the joy of giving a handful of 1, 2 and 5-p coins to a shop assistant and being left with a completely empty change compartment. So on reflection: I quite like them.
- Central heating: Australia should have this.
- Total lack of bugs: Bliss.
- Accents: This isn't really a culture clash thing but I find it interesting. I've now been told by all the Australians I've spoken to that I definitely sound English. Every English person has said that I still sound completely Australian. I think that I'm now too English for Australia and too Australian for England, and that the Australians can only hear the English and English can only hear the Australian. Don't worry if you skimmed over that sentence, it wasn't my finest.

To sum up: come to England, you'll notice the difference but not like going to Mongolia.